Thinking on the eternal

Last night was one of those challenging nights. I think many things added up to make it so...

First, I worked out at Curves in the morning (gently) and then gardened for about an hour. By the time I finished that little bit of physical activity, my legs were shaking, and I literally had to lay down for a nap BEFORE lunch! And by the evening, I was sore and achy all over.

Secondly, my radiation area is not happy at the moment: it has turned pretty red and tender and itchy, and the skin is all beginning to peel. It's just not pleasant.

Add to that the fact that the evening had a long series of death scenes in my entertainment. We finished watching the HBO series on John Adams (which was very good, by the way-- I liked the book better, but it was well done). The final episode shows Adam's daughter, Nabby, die of breast cancer, Abigail die, Thomas Jefferson die, and finally Adams, himself, die.

Then I went off to bed to finish the book I was reading, entitled The Night Journal. I read the book because its setting is found in the part of New Mexico I live in. It was interesting, but I would not highly recommend it. {If you want a great book about this part of New Mexico, read Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather-- a much finer novel!} "Night Journal" in the title refers to the journal of a dark time as one of the heroines of the novel dies a grizzly death from tuberculosis. That was what I waded through after John Adams.

And finally, we ended the day with Spurgeon reminding us to find our encouragement in the eternal things, and to point others to the eternal.

So, I lay awake some time, off and on, hurting and feeling uncomfortable, searching my life for those eternal things. How have I spent my life, after all? If God took me tonight, what would I leave behind me, and how would the fruit of my years be measured? The aches and pains in my body and my weariness left me, for a time, without a trace of hope that I have ever done anything worthwhile in the eternal sense. But slowly, as I struggled in prayer and repented of my selfishness, and grasped at God, He met me with encouragement. He brought to mind those things that Scripture says are important. I have loved and tried, however imperfectly, to serve my husband. I raised two boys into men who, by God's grace, love Him. I have taught many students, challenged many women in bible study, all by God's grace. These are the eternal things, are they not? These are the quiet ways God changes lives, and He has allowed me to be part of it.

As I struggled before sleep, I realized anew that the eternal things are not always big things. They are not always martyrdom and majesty. Sometimes they are little things, like changing diapers, or grading book reports, preparing bible study lessons, or taking a meal to someone in need. Part of the amazing thing about our amazing God is that He calls us and enables us to be part of these little things, and instead of them only being "little things", they count forever.